Paper 1 Question 2
Richard Branson is the owner of the Virgin Group which has over 400 companies under its umbrella. Some of his most successful companies include Virgin Galactic (commercial space travel), Virgin Hotels, Virgin Casino, and Virgin Wines.
As a successful person does as they get older, he did some introspection and wrote this open letter; hence, its form is a letter. It contains a greeting to the reader “Dear Stranger,” and ends with “Happy Regards, Richard Branson.” These two features indicate to the reader that this piece will be more personal since it is a letter; however, it will not be personalized to the reader since it is written to a “Stranger.”
The other telltale sign of a letter is its first person point of view. Branson wrote the letter this way so that the reader feels more connected to him. This allows the reader to truly understand the message of happiness Branson is trying to convey.
A great example of this in the letter is in the first sentence, “You don’t know me but I hear you’re going through a rough time, I would like to help you.” Branson is writing directly to the reader in a very personal way, as if he knows them like a friend, even though he says “You don’t know me…” This makes the reader feel supported and will therefore absorb more of what Branson wants to communicate.
Branson also has a short paragraph structure. The paragraphs may only be two or three sentences long but all have an isolated idea. This is easy for a reader who is “going through a rough time…” to read since they most likely already are anxious, tired, or stressed and therefore don’t have the focus or energy to read long, complex paragraphs.
Branson's language throughout the letter is semi-formal. In writings like this, I like to call it “Friendly-formal.” Branson's word choices are friendly but his tone and structure are formal.
This language is common in similar writings of other businessmen. I believe this is because of how business men normally communicate with each other. Their language between allied business men is friendly but they must retain an image that others have of them so that they demand a certain amount of respect. Respect is crucial in business because there can be lots of money or other forms of capital at stake and you have to know that your business partners are respectable and trustworthy, even in trying times.
Branson also displays a self-image of a mentor to others. The letter is essentially about being happy and enjoying life while you have it. Branson knows that he has seen the world and had overwhelming success and therefore knows that he has public respect. In pieces of advice such as “Allow yourself to be in the moment,” and “For me, it’s watching the flamingos fly across Necker Island at dusk,” show how he is speaking from personal experience and wanting to guide someone through similar experiences, like a mentor.
Branson’s letter form, short paragraph structure, and “Friendly-Formal” language make this open letter capable of its purpose: to help people who are “going through a rough time…” to get a new perspective and work towards happiness.
Hi Andy!
ReplyDeleteI feel that your first paragraph is unnecessary, it feels as thought it is just trying to meet the word count. Instead you should introduce the form of writing (a letter) and who wrote it. The rest is off topic. This includes you stating some “of his most successful companies”. In your next paragraph you did state the form but you could have gone further in depth by analyzing the point of views. You stated that Branson used the “first person point of view”, but you didn’t include that he also used the second person. In your next paragraph you state that Branson writes in a “very personal way”. This is contradicting with your second paragraph as you state that “it will not be personalized”. When analyzing the structure I felt that your explanation didn’t go into much depth. You only mention the paragraph structure, when structure also refers to the sentence structure. When analyzing language you begin by analyzing this pieces formality. I felt your analysis to be quite brief and confusing. You use your own phrase “friendly-formal”, and I don’t feel this is the type of situation to use your own phrase. I found the letter to be quite informal. You also bring up the “tone” but you never analyze it. You then focus your next paragraph on how Branson is a “businessman” and this correlates with his language. You have no evidence supporting this though, so I find this analysis to be off topic. I find your final two paragraphs to also be off topic. “Self-image” does not relate to language, and your repetition of the “short paragraph structure” feels as though you are trying to meet word count.
AO1: 2/5
AO3: 7/20
Hi Andy – For AO1 I would give you one mark considering your basic understanding of the text – meaning, context, the audience – and minimal reference to characteristic features. Your demonstration of the wide variety of texts was very narrow.
ReplyDeleteIn your first paragraph, you displayed unwanted information; “Richard Branson is the owner of the Virgin Group which has over 400 companies under its umbrella. Some of his most successful companies include Virgin Galactic (commercial space travel), Virgin Hotels, Virgin Casino, and Virgin Wines.” This information was not found in the open letter given to us. When writing these papers you do not search for additional information because during the AICE test you will not have access too.
The way you demonstrated your knowledge was hard to understand. Your writing was kind of all over the place and lacked a solid structure. My advice would be to make sure to plan before writing because I’m not sure if you did.
For AO3 I would give you six marks considering your limited analysis of structure and coherence. You had limited awareness of the writer’s stylistic choices. You also attempted to use some form of appropriate language to link evidence with explanatory comments.
“Branson's language throughout the letter is semi-formal.” – here you attempted to speak about the language in a very limited way. You labeled it as ‘friendly formal’ but failed to explain what exactly that means.
“Respect is crucial in business because there can be lots of money or other forms of capital at stake..” – here you spoke about respect in business elaborating on how businessmen speak, though this has no relevance to the prompt at hand.
Overall 7/25 – Good job !!