Paper 1 - Question 1 4/20/2022
Dear President Macron,
In light of recent events regarding the Notre-Dame Cathedral I feel the need to inform you about another blaze raging on the other side of the world from your cathedral. This blaze burns at a rate of roughly two football fields per minute. This blaze is ripping its way through the Amazon Rainforest. The Rainforest is vital to the survival of the planet due to the fact that it is responsible for producing roughly twenty percent of the Earth’s oxygen. Without this forest, we essentially wouldn’t be able to breathe as easily as we do now. The most dangerous part of this fire is that people barely know about it. The world knew that Notre-Dame was burning mere minutes after the first ember went alight, it’s been three weeks since the fire in the Amazon began and the majority of America has no idea that their southern hemisphere neighbor is aflame. Furthermore, the vast majority of Europeans don’t know much about the Amazon or its smoldering state. I write to you to ask for you to spread the word around Europe about this pressing matter since your country was also set alight recently. Your voice will echo throughout all corners of the world especially into the deep pockets of the wealthy, who also supported the rebuilding of Notre-Dame, whose money could do wonders in the effort to stop the blaze in the Amazon.
Sincerely,
Anderson D. Seitz
COMPARISON
My letter differs from the report mainly in Form. A letter needs things that a news report does not, such as “Dear…” and “Sincerely…” However, a letter does not necessarily need a title and doesn’t need to list a who, what, where, why, and when.
My letter also has a different Structure. In a letter, especially a shorter letter like this, it is acceptable to have a single paragraph. In a news report, it is not acceptable to have a single paragraph. It is acceptable to instead have many short paragraphs like in the example.
Another major difference between my letter and the news article is the use of language. The news article is meant to just give information both on the fire in Notre-Dame and the fires in the Amazon. However, my letter is meant to persuade the President to use his powerful global voice to spread the word about the fires in the Amazon.
The tone of the two pieces is somewhat similar in that they both have a tone that urges the reader to worry about the problem in the Amazon. The news report does this through laying out facts and other information to the reader in a way that piles on top of the reader and makes them feel somewhat doomed. However, my letter’s tone is meant to get the President to worry but also feel emboldened that his voice could help.
The final difference is the audience and how the author addresses the audience. In a news article, the author is not supposed to directly address the audience since the purpose is to lay out information in a way that it can be easily consumed by the reader. One of the reasons this rule is in place is because the reader is unknown and could be anyone. Also, the audience of a news article is much bigger than a letter, therefore making addressing a specific reader difficult. A letter on the other hand is meant for one or maybe a select few reader(s). Due to this, you can directly address the reader, which I did, and evoke a thought, response, or action. For example, “Your voice will echo throughout all corners of the world…”
Andy,
ReplyDelete1A)
In your letter to President Macron, it was clear that you showed passion for the issue and wanted a resolution sooner than later. With that being said, however, it had quite an assertive tone overall. If I were Macron, I would personally feel as if I were being attacked. Under the AO1 column on the rubric, I would award you 3 marks, as you showed that you had a clear understanding of the text and clearly referenced characteristic features of the text as well. Furthermore, I would award you 2 marks under the AO2 column on the rubric. Though you had a clear expression, your ideas in the letter did not flow easily. I say this because it was one large paragraph that did not have any breaks in-between ideas. Content discussed in the letter was relevant to the audience and purpose, so you're good there. Total - 5 marks.
1B)
Under the AO1 rubric, I believe that you demonstrated a limited understanding of the texts with limited comparison. I say this because your descriptions of the differences and similarities are very brief and lack detail. Your first few paragraphs in part B are extremely brief and lack detail. For this reason, I would award you only 2 marks. Additionally, looking at the AO3 rubric, it can be said that you had a limited analysis of form, structure and/or language, which shows a limited comparison. Once again, this is said because of your limited detailing of comparative features. Because of this, I would only award you 3 marks. Total - 5 Marks
Overall: 10/25
Hi Andy!:
ReplyDelete1(a)
AO1: Detailed understanding of text seen by the call to action. Reference to audience seen by “Dear President Macron,”. There is reference to characteristic features like worried tone seen by “the vast majority of Europeans don’t know much about the Amazon or its smoldering state” and “could do wonders”. There is second person used in fact from ‘you’. Although I see that it is lacking since I don't really see this persuasive language since you use ‘ask’ which implies trying to get help and not demanding it through persuasion since persuasion means getting the audience themselves to believe what you are saying. But the form is in proper letter form with a closing and salutation. [4 marks]
AO2: The whole letter was in one gigantic paragraph which shows lower expression. Content is relevant to the audience and purpose throughout seen by “This blaze burns at a rate of roughly two football fields per minute.” and “responsible for producing roughly twenty percent of the Earth’s oxygen” and “another blaze raging” although the expression is clear with no errors.
[3 marks]
1(b)
AO1: Mention of form, structure, language, tone, audience clear reference to characteristic features and understanding of both texts. This is seen by “differs from the report” “different structure… short paragraphs” “the tone of the two pieces is somewhat similar” “have a tone that urges the reader to worry about the problem in the Amazon”. Although I would say that the analysis is limited and could use QUOTES and comparison between the two more. [2 marks]
AO3: There is a limited analysis of form, structure and/or language with limited comparison. There is also a limited analysis of how the writers’ stylistic choices relate to audience and shape meaning. This is due to the fact that there are only five paragraphs in the comparison and four of those are very short. “My letter differs from the report mainly in Form. A letter needs things that a news report does not, such as “Dear…” and “Sincerely…” However, a letter does not necessarily need a title and doesn’t need to list a who, what, where, why, and when.” “My letter also has a different Structure. In a letter, especially a shorter letter like this, it is acceptable to have a single paragraph. In a news report, it is not acceptable to have a single paragraph. It is acceptable to instead have many short paragraphs like in the example.” This is a good analysis and comparison between the two texts with proper references but it is missing the overall effect that explains how the writer’s stylistic choices relate to audience and shape meaning so it is missing the overall effect and why the writer did this. For example you could have said why the author and you chose that particular tone. [4 Marks]
Total: 13 Marks
Although you show limited understanding of a text by expressing the importance of the Amazon. You didn’t write your letter in the correct format. You use ‘dear’ and a sign off however the middle is just a big paragraph. The paragraph should be separated into short paragraphs that contain a few sentences. With that being said you would have gotten a higher marking if the letter was formatted correctly.
ReplyDeleteAO2: ⅖ marks
Your expression is clear, however, your ideas are developed in a limited manner. You are sort of just restating what the news report said but should have added information from your thoughts. This would have shown that you have a clear understanding of what is being said or asked.
AO1: ⅖ marks
You did explain that there is a difference between the two texts however you don’t quote much to support what you are trying to analyze. You state what the differences are but don’t explain or quote therefore not showing understanding of the text or the assignment.
AO3: ¾ marks
There is much to say except if a restated what I already said. To improve your paper and receive higher marks you need to show that you understand the text. Just saying there are differences isn’t going to get you marks. You need to explain, use buzzwords, and quote.
Overall: 9/25