Paper 2 Question 1
Welcome to your first year at MIA! This year is going to be great and we’re glad to have you!
Firstly, if you’re an incoming freshman, you should know that this is your year to get involved with our clubs, sports, and all of our other extracurriculars to get acclimated and make friendships that can last a lifetime. In your first week or two pay attention to the daily announcements during mentoring to get information about clubs and other things happening around school. Also, be friendly to your mentoring group because you’ll be in the same mentoring for the rest of your time here.
Secondly, if you aren’t a freshman, you could join a club (or more than one if you want!) or one of our championship winning sports teams. And don’t be afraid to open up a bit! We are a small school with great people that want to get to know you!
Let’s talk about our clubs in depth for a second. Do you like helping the community? If so, consider joining Key Club, or Interact! Do you like culture? Maybe Spanish Honor Society, or Japanese clubs. Do you like cars? We have a car club! And no, you don’t have to have a car to enjoy cars. Do you like fishing? We have that too! Our fishing club hosts tournaments where you can win prizes ranging from bragging rights to fishing gear and gift cards.
Oh yeah! Don’t forget about our sports! We offer Soccer, Track and Field, Baseball, Tennis, Golf, Basketball, Football, Cheerleading, Cross Country, Swimming, and Volleyball. If any of those interest you, you can talk to Ms. Roberts (her office is between the gym and the front desk).
Finally, we have some other programs such as our award winning Performing Arts program as well as our fantastic visual and digital arts programs.
One last thing. MIA, in the end, runs on respect. If you respect each other and your teachers then you will have an amazing experience here.
Once again, welcome to MIA! Hope you have an amazing year!
Reflection
In my text I focused too much on the students’ overall experience at MIA instead of just the first week. I think I also focused too much on clubs, teams, and programs. I noticed towards the end that I was relating this assignment to a previous assignment wherein we had to make an advertisement for our school. However, I think I did a good job of letting the students know that they are welcome. I did try to give them advice from an upperclassman in the last paragraph but I had to be careful to not use the first person, which I think I achieved. I also believe that I achieved the correct form.
(Shamus)
ReplyDeleteHello Andy, for question 1A you tended to give me a clear expression, with a range of language, including some complex structures and some less common lexis, although there may be some repetition. You did a good job of explaining yourself. You also have some occasional errors which really did not impede my communication that much. Your text is also a somewhat attempt at organization, though I feel like subheadings would have benefitted you a lot in terms of this part. The task is achieved, and the context is relevant so you did a good job of staying organized and on task. The audience is also addressed and I feel like you did a good job of that. Overall your score here is a 12. As far as 1B goes I would give you a limited analysis of form, structure, and language and a limited analysis of how the writer's stylistic choices relate to the audience and shape meaning. The score of this part is a 4 giving you a total of 16.
Hi Anderson! I liked reading your leaflet.
ReplyDeleteAO2- 7 marks
I really liked how you used exclamation marks throughout your leaflet. This could be seen when you said that “we are glad to have you!” This creates a feeling of excitement for the incoming students, which is great. Also, I like how you used rhetorical questions when listing the clubs that we have at our school. For example, you asked if they liked “helping the community.” Then, you provided activities that they could do to correspond with this, like “Key Club.” This engages the reader. Next time, it would be beneficial to include subheadings. This would organize your leaflet further and allow for easy reading. Additionally, make sure to only spend about one paragraph on a topic. For example, you should condense your sports section into one paragraph and clubs into another. This will provide a brief and effective overview. This also allows you to cover more topics in your leaflet.
AO3- 4 marks
I believe that in this section, you are supposed to analyze your form, structure, and language in a positive light, and not in a negative way. For example, you said that you “focused too much on the student’s overall experience.” Instead of taking this as a negative, you could spin this idea to say that your leaflet was “comprehensive since it addressed various aspects of student life.” Additionally, make sure to address specific ‘buzz words’ that you are explaining in this analysis. For example, you could have said that you included the second person perspective and explain how this contributed to your essay. Lastly, it is good that you addressed that you “achieved the correct form.” In addition to this, make sure to explain why.
The above comment was from Kathryn.
DeleteHey Andi,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your blog. As for AO2, I would give you 10 Marks. I believe you had a clear understanding of the text, with a range of language. The text was clearly organized and your ideas flowed through the paper. You were very enthusiastic and I think you did a great job of informing the new upcoming students on what to expect at MIA. You could have scored higher if you structured it better. Some of your paragraphs were longer than others and that affected your structure. For example, at the end you said, “Finally, we have some other programs such as our award winning Performing Arts program as well as our fantastic visual and digital arts programs.” This part sounds like you were just trying to achieve the word count and you rushed and just added this. If you needed more words, you could have added that sentence to the paragraph where you are talking about clubs, so it flowed better.
As for AO3, It was really short and the expectations were higher. I give you 2 marks(level 1). It was really short and it was impossible to answer the prompt in that amount of words. You had minimal analysis of form, structure and language. When it came to talking about the form, structure, and language you only scratched the surface and did not go in-depth as to why you did the things you did.